Thistleheart of ThornClan

[Dewberry]

Name: Thistleheart (Thornclan Warrior)
Age: 29
Gender: Male

Overall Appearance: Thistleheart is a silver-grey tabby. He has very a very short-furred pelt.He also has a scar on his left hind leg from a badger attack when he was only a week old. 

In-Depth Color: Thistleheart's underpelt is grey, but his main looks are a silver tabby. Thistle's coat is shiny and short, like his father's. His eyes are green with a yellow ellipse around his pupil. Thistle has a dark grey tail tip, muzzle, and socks.

In-depth Build: Thistleheart's body size is large and his build is muscular

Personality: Thistleheart is an annoying and mean cat when he isn't around his mother. Thistleheart is annoying in many ways; He agrues, ignores, and growls at other cats at random times.He isn't social with other cats, when he was a kitten he would often 'accidentaly' hurt another kit. He likes to eat and sit around a lot after being forced to hunt, which isn't his thing. Thistlekit enjoys fighting over hunting

+ Likes to fight
- Annoying, Mean
;  Lazy

Skill Paragraph Thistleheart is great at scaring off cats and fighting. He is good at making other kits cry and run away. He is a skilled fighter and not a great hunter.

Positive Skill List Scaring off enimies, Skilled Fighter
Negative Skill List Making kits cry and stay away from him, not a great hunter
Average Skill List has no average skills
Likes: Fighting, Being Rude, Eating, Sleeping
Dislikes: Other cats
Fears:Being scolded by his mother, badgers
Overall History: Thistleheart at one moon old got a scar from a badger on his left hind leg. As an apprentice and warrior he got various hidden scars all over his back, tail, and legs from attacking warriors.
In-Depth History: The day of the badger attack was mainly what made Thistleheart so mean. Thistleheart's mom pleaded to go on a patrol, his four siblings were sleeping, and the elder who was supposed to be watching them fell asleep! Thistleheart was crawling little by little to the entrance of the nursery and stuck his head out. At that moment a badger ripped through the camp walls and headed strait for him! Although, it seemed like the badger didn't see him, it scratched Thistleheart's leg and took two of his siblings. When his mother got home she was shocked about injured Thistlekit, two kits missing, and the sleepy elder bowing it's head.

[Sunny]

Very, very good. Just a few things to fix:

    Please make Thistlekit, Cedarkit, and Ivykit either warriors or elders. Deputy slots are open as well. As you can see in the sidebar "2016 News", one of the Featured Announcements is that you must create only warriors or elders until all slots in all Clans are filled.

Fernlight

Personality (paragraph and lists): Please delete Is not very capable in climbing/ getting off of trees your trait list. Those are more skills than traits. Also, change smart to "averagely smart" because it is a neutral trait. Now all you have to do is add a few more traits because now there are more positive traits than negative and neutral traits.

Skills (paragraph and lists): "Practicing battling" isn't really a skill, it's just a part of training that you're required to do. Please change that to just "Battling". Please add a few more skills as well. Is she good at hunting? hiding?  In your paragraph, when you say likes to train and practice battling that wouldn't be a skill, just a hobby. When we say skills that means actions that your cat has a particular potential for perfecting it - the regular skills that humans have.

In-Depth History: Please include more details for Fernlight disappeared one day. What happened? How did she return?

Thislekit

Overall Appearance: Please delete he has the shortest fur of all his littermates and family. You don't know how short his eventual family's pelts will be like, and other members have the choice to make their cat have shorter fur than Thistlekit! Eventually that might be true, but please don't include stuff like that in applications. It's okay! You can still emphasize the shortness of his fur (please do!).  Also, please delete Thistle's coat is shiny and short like his father's. Again, you don't know what his father's coat will be like! (Unless you're going to  make his dad an NPC (non-playing character))

In-Depth Build: Please add more details: is he muscular? masculine? feminine? big and stocky? small and light?

Personality: Very good! Just a few things: not liking other cats doesn't necessarily make him a good fighter. It might generate his adrenaline to use this skill, but the skill itself is something different. Also, having said that, please don't include skills in his personality. So please delete skilled fighter from his positive trait list and move it to his skills list (to make up for it please add at two more positive traits). You can keep the part that he doesn't like other cats, however. Also, please explain how he's annoying. Remember, the paragraph's about sentences! Not lists. Does he annoy people by arguing? ignoring? Also, please specifically state that he's "lazy" in the paragraph. You have implied it, but please make it clear. Sleepy and lazy are sort of the same things. You can include the word "sleepy" in the paragraph, but in terms of him being sleepy as in lazy you shouldn't put it in the lists. If you meant literally sleepy like tired, that isn't acceptable because everyone gets sleepy sometimes and it's usually not a habit but an effect of lack of sleep. Last thing: when you put not a great hunter in the negative traits, please remember that that's a skill! Please delete it and make a different negative trait.

Skills: Please add more skills to the lists and skill paragraph! Just because his skills aren't developed yet because he's a kit doesn't mean he doesn't have them.

In-Depth History: Please describe in detail the day of the badger attack.

Ivykit

In-Depth Color: Instead of talking just about his face, please also include the colors and markings on his underbelly, tail, and legs!

In-Depth Build: Is he stocky? big? fat (lol)? small? masculine? feminine?

Personality: Please add more traits. The amount of traits needs to be relatively equal, so please don't make it so that there aren't any negative traits. That is unrealistic. Everyone has a negative trait! Detail is important, remember. Also, overly-helpful and helpful are the same traits, but one has more detail. Please take one away. I suggest taking away overly-helpful - I mean, how can one be overly helpful?! Also, please remember to emphasize the trait from the trait list in the paragraph (for every cat).

Skills: Please add more skills.

Overall History/In-Depth History: Maybe give some history to emphasize the reason for Ivykit fearing bananas? Did he encounter a banana in a scary time and caused him to have an everlasting fear of bananas? Did one make him sick?

Cedarkit

Appearance: No cat can be red - maybe make it a reddish-brown? I know what you mean, but please just write something specifically.

In-Depth Color: To fix this, please include the details from Overall Appearance in the In-Depth Color and then simply write in Overall Appearance that Cedarkit is reddish-brown and gray as well as the ear shape and everything else.

Personality: ADD MORE TRAITS!! Maybe include in the trait list that she's not outgoing, reserved, et cetera as well as other personalities: does she like to fight? Is she sort of mean or very nice? What does she do to make other cats feel better? Or does she like it when they feel sad?

Skill Paragraph: Maybe include that part of her not liking contact with non-family cats part of her personality? It will get you more traits! Also, please include MORE SKILLS!!! NOTE* keep in mind that when you roleplay, you have to clearly state her reluctance to fight. Remember that sometime when you roleplay her she will have to fight at some point. Maybe changed that trait to "bad at fighting"? I dunno. Something that shows that she will fight when she needs to.

History: You have to include some history! It's required! Maybe write about the day all the cats found out she had lung cancer. What happened? What did she do? Was it painful? Did she go into a coma? How did the medicine cat treat her?

[Dewberry]

fixed

[Sunny]

Very good. Fernlight and Thistleheart are accepted. What about Ivy and Cedar? Will you create different applications for them?

[Dewberry]

yes because those 3 are high rank unlike Thistle

[Sunny]

Oh, right. Thistleheart has been added to ThornClan allegiances.