Swiftstream of Dappleclan

[Swifty]

*Name: Swiftstream



*Age: 15 moons



*Gender: She-cat



*Overall Appearance: A light misty grey silver tabby, mixed with the markings of a grey tabby. Has light green eyes with a mix of yellow and grey specks. Has a semi-long tail pretty long fur. Has white paws and light pink pads.



*In-Depth Color: The silver tabby markings are dark but the grey tabby ones are darker. (sorry if this is short!)



*In-depth Build: She has a semi-masculine body but it is mainly a femine shape has semi big ears with ear fluff on them.



*Personality: She is a very caring cat for kits. Gaining this trait from her mother she always cared about the younger kits in the nursery, as she grew up this trait never left her. She has been known to be secretive though, being able to tell a lie with a straight face and get away with it. But when she trusts you then she can give away almost anything depending on the amount of importance. She is a good defender, she will stand her ground for her clan and will stand up for the cats she finds important. But, even if she is loyal, she still will defy the clan’s rules if she finds love outside the clan. When she finds love she is very into it, very approving, and wanting. She also is very clingy, as she will be paying attention to the cats important to her lives, so she will usually know what is going on when it is happening. When agitated she can be a storm of anger, don’t mess with her unless you want to fight! If she thinks something bad is up, she will be rude to you on purpose. If she is in charge of someone (I.e. Apprentice, kits) , and if they get in trouble, she will give them a needed punishment even if she was going a bit overboard. She is also pretty smart and a quick thinker.



*+ All positive personality traits in a list here. Family oriented, Caring, loyal, smart.



*- All negative personality traits in a list here. Easily agitatable, Rude, Punishing.



*; All neutral personality traits in a list here. Clingy, Dominant, wanting, Quick thinker.



*Skill Paragraph Is a great runner, she can run swiftly no matter the length of her pelt. Because of herheritage she has become a great swimmer She is kind of good at Hiding but not necessarily, because of her pelt, it drags against the floor wich could give her away if there were leaves. She is an EXTREMELY good fighter. She knows the moves, but getting hurt could hurt her adrenaline and confidence quite a bit. She is not at all good at hunting. She can climb but it is a bit average. She is also a bit average at jumping.



*Positive Skill List Running, Fighting, Swimming.



*Negative Skill List Hiding, hunting.



*Average Skill List Climbing, Jumping.



*Likes: Kits, rain, running, open plains, shade, love, respect, authority, power, flowers.



*Dislikes: Being disrespected, being rejected, being lowly, hot days.



*Fears: No family, Monsters (cars), Twolegs.



Goals: To be a mother, to be a high rank.



*Overall History: She was born earlier than other kits, at the age of apprentice her mother disappeared and never returned, she had a great depression for a moon. She became friends with a group of apprentices, but when she had her warrior ceremony earlier than their’s they stopped hanging out and got other friends. She didn’t really have any friends after that, yet she wishes for a lover and a family, Yet also wants to be a highrank.



*In-Depth History: She was born a bit earlier in the new-leaf season than other kits, so she was a bit older. Her mother took care of her up to the age of an apprentice, when she went out hunting one day and never came back. No one noticed or they ignored it because she had a very bad reputation. She had a moon of depression because of that. She slowly forgot and almost everyone else did to. She became friends with a group of apprentices. After a while life was boring, and then came her warrior ceremony, it was about a moon before the other apprentices, including her friends. She slowly drifted away and became a loner of the clan again. She wishes for a lover and a family, but also to be a highrank.





Origin of Cat: Dappleclan.

[Sunny]

Looks very good so far, there's just a few things to fix:

In Depth Color:

Please add more detail of where any colors or markings are on her body, i.e. The fur under her belly was white with a streak of gray near her front legs.

In-Depth Build:

Please take away the part of the ear fluff! It is not necessarily part of her build. If you want you should probably add it to her Overall Appearance.

Personality:

Looks good, but please take away the following part: If she thinks something bad is up, she will be rude to you on purpose. Remember, one of her traits is caring. Being rude to another cat doesn't seem very caring! These two traits seem to contradict each other. Next time, please also explain more in-depth when you say something like If she thinks something bad is up. Do you mean the cat she's speaking with is bad? Is there an attack and she's being rude to you? If so, for what?

Trait Lists:

Rude (Negative Trait list) also contradicts her trait of "caring". It's sort of hard to imagine a cat being rude but caring at the same time! Also, punishing isn't necessarily a trait. All honorable warriors punish cats if necessary. If you mean she punishes in a way that she's over reacting, please clearly state that in your personality paragraph. It also sort of contradicts the trait of "caring". Now that your deleting and changing some of these traits, its time to even them all out. I suggest that you move "quick thinker" to the positive trait list, because it is a very positive trait!  And please either delete "dominant" or clearly include it in your personality paragraph. If you keep it, I recommend that you move it to negative traits because dominant might mean that the cat is arrogant. If she's not arrogant, please clearly state in your paragraph the difference of the two traits regarding your cat and include something like "not arrogant" in the positive trait list.

Skill List:

Because you wrote She's kind of good at hiding but not necessarily I would move the trait "hiding" to the neutral trait list. Also, these sentences sort of contradict each other: She is an EXTREMELY good fighter. She knows the moves, but getting hurt could hurt her adrenaline and confidence quite a bit. If you want her to be a good fighter, you should probably state more clearly that she knows all the moves (in its own sentence) and then include in another sentence that getting hurt could hurt her adrenaline and confidence quite a bit. That will be its own trait/s, such as "easily mentally hurt" and/or "loses confidence easily". Those will probably be negative traits. Also, when you say "could" hurt her adrenaline and confidence, that implies that it's a 50/50 chance that it will. We like specifics! Please say things like "will" and "won't" instead of "could" and "might"

[Swifty]

Oh jeez XD Ok I will edit it in the morning thanks for the review by the way!

[Sunny]

It's morning! Don't mean to pressure, I just want to make sure you haven't forgotten.

[Swifty]

Sorry I am editing it now, I have a family trip coming up and I ahve been busy ;/